Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
