It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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