dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
