i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you never un-have a 4some
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
