Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize