Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
