What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
