I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
