If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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