"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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