I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
