fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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