Even the bartender felt bad for me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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