How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
