please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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