i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
