finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
