this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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