i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
