508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
