do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
