I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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