Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My brain says no but my pants say off.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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