alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
