when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
