From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
this will be a night to untag.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
