I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize