I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
it's like heaven, but drunker
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Sorry my hands just texted you
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
