Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
