I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just gift wrapped bread.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
