I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
