Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
