I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize