I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
