Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
