Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
