I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
