Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(972): View more from Texas

He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.

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(213): View more from California

How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.

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(540): View more from Virginia

You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments

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(847): View more from Illinois

as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level

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(204): View more from Manitoba

I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now

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(310): View more from California

You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Ladies don't puke and tell

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