so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
