your room smells of hookers.
And success
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize