She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
