You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
