He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
