Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
