I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
