maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
