I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
