he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize