my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
