i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
