farters have to be the big spoon...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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