OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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