So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
