i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
