i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
