Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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