I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
