I can text with my tongue
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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