I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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