Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
