Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
