VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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