he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So much Jack, so little girl.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
