maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
