Can i not drive my cunt home
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
