I must be too annoying 4 u.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
