my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
