I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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