Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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