tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
