Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Randomize