Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
