We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
