yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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